Moms Daily Inspiration

Do you ever reflect on moments in your childhood where you could have lost everything from one event?  Well I had one haunting memory in particular.  Looking back now, I feel like I had an angel watching over me and my parents that day cause things could have turned out a lot worse than they did.

My mom, step dad Eddie, their friend John, his girlfriend, our two dogs and I were going on a trip to Mt Limantour Beach.  As a kid, John was one of favorite friends of my parents.  He was always smiling, had a kind heart and I loved listening to him playing music with Eddie.  So right before we got ready to go on trip, I asked if I could go with John and his girlfriend in his VW bus. We followed behind my parents in their 4 wheel drive 1969 Chevy Suburban that my step dad called the “Tahoe Express.”  He had made the suburban into a camper with beds, sink, heater and built in ice chest.

The trip was going great until all of a sudden I saw my parents vehicle go off the side of the road and my mom fly in the air.  I remember feeling like I was in complete shock.  Is this really happening or just a dream?  Tears came flowing down my cheeks.  Are my parents alive?  I was so so scared.

All I can remember today is that we pulled over to the side of the road, seeing an ambulance and hugging my parents once I saw they were okay.  I think my mom flew out the sunroof but I will never know for sure if that is what happened.  We think our dog Bozo climbed out…dogs are pretty resilient.  And I think both Eddie and our dog Vino climbed out of the car.

They were taken to Marin General for minor scratches and injuries.  Eddie needed some stitches.  I wonder to this day if I had an angel watching over us. What would have happened if I had been in the car too?  Would I have survived?  The injuries could have been way worse for my parents and they could have gone off a steeper part of the embankment.  I am so thankful they survived that accident and will always remember that day.  A day that could have ended in major tragedy, but they walked out alive.

 

Lately I have been noticing these amazing hurdles my kids have crossed, seen some major growth in both of them and feel like one proud Momma.  About a year and half ago Raina made the transition of switching to a new school.  She was mad at first but ended up loving it and has grown so much from the change.   She has been working on a report about a young girl named Malala that challenged her own cultures discrimination against women’s rights and stood up against Taliban, with her father.   Reading my daughter’s thought provoking words, I saw the incredible writer she is and was so so proud.  I guess it runs in the family, the love of writing, whether it is songs, poetry, stories, etc.  I also am so proud of the musician she has become, playing ukulele, keyboard-piano, hand drums and guitar.  She has also written and co-written some of her own songs.  She has such a huge heart and it is so well expressed in her songwriting and music.   The writing and music has been a healthy outlet for Raina.

My little one, Bella used to pull hard on my leg, whine for mom and not want to talk much to anyone.  Now she is one social little butterfly, going to preschool and loving it and making new friends.  She asks me “Mom- do I have school today?”  Bella is looking forward to new adventures and is excited instead of fearful of what will happen next.  She is starting ballet class again this week and excited about it. About a year ago, she was fearful to go and did not want to get up in class without mom holding her hand.  I think being in preschool, has helped her social skills and made her a more independent four year old. I am so so proud of my girls.

 

Being a mom is one of the most multi tasking jobs out there.  I love that video on the internet where the guy interviews people for the job of being a mom and most of people getting interviewed feel it is unfair to have a job where you have no breaks at all and may have to work all night long.  Once the guy interviewing them tells them this is the job of being a mom, most of the people get super emotional and start saying how thankful they are for their own mother.

Sometimes it can be heartbreaking too. My four year old looked at me the other night and said “I don’t love you.”  Wow, major stab to the heart.  I told her it really hurt my feelings and she needed to say sorry.  She did apologize but my mood dropped majorly after that.

I am a stay at home mom and a lot of my daily schedule has been planned around their activities, play dates, school, doctor and dental appointments, etc. for many years.   I think I have learned finally after all these years, it is okay to show your kids you need a little time for yourself to spend time with friends, get a pedicure, do something you love to do that you had forgotten about.  It shows them you love yourself too and I actually think it makes you a better parent in the long run.  So one of my 2017 resolutions is to do more self care, which in turn teaches my kids to do the same for themselves.

 

                     

As a mom in today’s world, sometimes I stop and ask myself “where did I learn to make these compassionate decisions?”  As humans, we fundamentally have deep rooted values we have learned from our upbringing.  I was taught to be kind, compassionate, help others, and to stand up for things that are not right.

One memory that stands out in my mind from my childhood began with the sound of screaming.  I was sitting on the top bunk of my bed.  I heard a painful scream and then dead silence.  My mom and step dad Eddie were not home at the time, so I started to worry, wondering if they were okay.  About thirty minutes later they both returned home with blood all over their hands.  They explained to me how one of the neighborhood kids named Tony had gotten his hands caught in his bike chain.  They both helped to get his hands out.  I then realized the scream was from Tony.  Later that evening, Tony came by to thank my parents and told us he could have lost his finger if they had not helped him. That act of compassion and courage to do whatever they needed to do to save this boy, reflects on my decisions I make as a person today.  I am thankful for what they taught me from that situation.

 

Sometimes change is hard but needs to happen for growth and happiness to take place.  This sentence stands out so large for me with my current reflections on my daughter Raina’s amazing growth that happened after I switched her to a new school.  She went to Talent Elementary from kindergarten through third grade.  We had an amazing experience at the school but as Raina got older I felt like she had all these creative outlets that she needed to explore more during school hours.  She needed more of the arts and creativity and I just did not see enough of it being offered to her at Talent Elementary.  I also wanted her to go to Ashland High school and to give her a chance to find a new peer group before she started.

So I applied to John Muir School, which is a public magnet school focused more on hands on outdoor field trip, science and arts.  It offers more programs than other schools, due to the fact that the parents and kids are involved in fundraisers throughout the year to help pay for these programs.  It is a lottery system as far as who gets in and the school has about 150 students total from kinder through eighth grade.  Also the school tries to keep siblings together.  My daughter Raina was mad at me at first when I told her I wanted to switch schools, so I promised her she could go back to Talent Elementary if she did not like her new school, after she tried it for a year.

Well day two into fourth grade at JMS she looked at me and said “Mom I love it here and I love my new teacher.”  She gave me a big hug.  I was so happy.  Raina is super musical and when she first started she only played the ukelele.  By the end of fourth grade, she was playing four instruments total – ukelele, guitar, keyboard/piano and hand drums.  She also joined an after school band with new friends from her school in a program separate from the school.  She was offered many music classes during school hours.  She also got to take an amazing karaoke american sign language class and came home so excited to show me what she learned.  My daughter was so much happier, growing musically and loving her new programs.  She loves her new school and I am so so happy for her!

Yesterday I went up to my bedroom with the intention of wrapping a couple gifts for family, that happened to be all handcrafted presents.  Both my children came with me and what was meant to be a bit of wrapping turned into a craft fest.  My four year old smiled and asked me to bead so we pulled down my beading supplies and we all got to work.  I have been working with quartz crystals with my jewelry a lot lately and have been drawn to them,  possibly because of their healing properties.  So within twenty minutes we had all made beautiful gifts for family with the crystals.

Our beading time reminded me of the importance of arts and crafts for our children and even adults in this world of technology.  When I was a kid we would be out there riding our bike, throwing a football, playing basketball, or making a necklace.  But my spare time was spent exercising or being creative. At an early age I was creative about how to make a little money.  At ten, I was the neighborhood babysitter and making little pictures that I sold to the neighbors.  I had no cell phone or laptop.  Looking back now, I am glad I grew up the way I did rather than today.  The way I was raised is now reflective on my values today as a mother.

Nowadays, I see all the kids on their phone and taking pictures of themselves. The problem is an overuse of this technology does not encourage the importance of socialization and creative outlets.  I have certain technology rules with my kids and I am proud of myself for setting them.  It is so important to make that time to talk at the dinner table as a family, craft together, play music, sing together, read together, and laugh together.   There are old fashioned values that I reflect on and admire more and more, the longer I am a mother.  My advice to any new parent would be to make sure your kids have healthy outlets such as exercise, crafting, reading, drawing, playing an instrument.  Creativity is so good for your soul.

These above are some of the cool arts and crafts we did yesterday.  My 11 year old made the American girl kleenex box and added crystal with beads to the bookmark.  My four year old made the charm necklace.  I made the crystal earrings and necklace.

 

 

 

 

My nine year old Raina had wanted to have a dog for a long long time.  But she had suffered from allergies to cats, some dogs and various animals since she was little.  So the whole process of finding a pet was going to be a lot more complicated and as a stay at home mom, I was not sure I wanted the extra responsibility.

But the day had come that I finally committed to look for a hypoallergenic dog.  So I searched high and low on the internet for a poodle type of dog.  Finally we found a few poodle mix breeds at the Humane society.

Raina and I went there together, both excited and nervous at the same time.  The first dog we met was named Scooter.  He was a little terrier poodle mix and Raina fell in love with him right away.  But the big test was he needed to lick her everywhere and we needed to go home and see how her allergies were.  We got to hold Scooter for 24 hours to see how she did.  It was a nightmare of swollen red eyes from her allergies to him and even more swollen from her tears of how much she wanted Scooter but was allergic to him.  It broke my heart.  It made me question if I was even doing the right thing in the first place, looking for a dog for my daughter that had so many allergies to so many animals.  So she cried a bunch, I tried to be the strong mom and then knew I needed to make the tough decision of whether we kept looking for another dog or stopped right there.

I kept looking in the humane society pictures of poodle mixes for adoption over the next week and then I saw a picture of a dog named Charlie with his sad eyes looking into your soul.  And I decided we needed to meet him and see how Raina did this next time.  So we went back to the humane society and met little Charlie.  He looked at us with those big eyes and we fell in love.  I prayed Raina would not have allergies to him.  We did the 24 hour hold again and went home to see how Raina did, after he licked her a bunch too.  She was fine and had no reaction.  Our whole family was elated.

So the next day my husband and my two kids went to adopt Charlie.  Charlie seemed sad, lonely and depressed when they picked him up, yet happy he was getting adopted.  Little did we know he had pneumonia and we were majorly rescuing him and bringing back to health.  After repetitive vet visits, IV’s, two over nights at vet, he came back home to us again, acting like a perky, happy playful dog.  Now I cannot imagine life without Charlie.  He is such a big part of our family.

 

I woke up this morning to my eleven year old Raina yelling “Mom- there is snow everywhere outside. You got to look!” My four year Bella and I pulled up the blinds to see a winter wonderland all outside our house. It filled my heart with joy to know my kids would get to go play in the snow today.

As a kid, we would have to travel 4-5 hours to get to the snow. We would drive up to Tahoe and ski at Heavenly Valley. We sometimes would stay at a cabin, sled, slide down hills on the tire and play in the snow. But what I remember the most is the excitement I felt to get out there and play. And seeing my kids feel the same way, means the world to me.

Today as they played, the snow started to melt a bit. But I encouraged them to still build a snowman. We got one mini American Girl sized snowman and another one three times as big. Despite the small size, they looked adorable and it was fun helping kids find stuff from our kitchen for their eyes, nose and mouth.

There is supposed to be more snow coming tonight and I am excited to wake up to another fun filled day in the snow with my kids.

 

 

 

 

 

My dad and I were always super close.  My mom said to me that when I was little I said to her “mom, what would I do if anything ever happened to my dear sweet daddy?”  My very next breath depended on my dad being there for me when I was a little girl.  He was my world.  He made me laugh, took me fun places, called me his “angel,” made me feel like I was one of the most special people in this world.  When I was little I taught him how to roller skate.  On the Venice bike path, with all his knee pads, and elbow pads he was such a trooper letting his young daughter teach him a new sport.  In my wonder woman underoos, I led the path for him down the awesome Venice bike path.  It was some of the best memories I had with him.  He wore his heart on his sleeve and I cannot count how many times he cried, but I loved that about him.  I loved that as a man he was not afraid to show his emotions.  He also taught me the true value of how important it is for girls to have a strong father figure.   I am so glad my girls are close to their daddy.

Towards the end of my pregnancy with my youngest, Bella, my dad was having some weird problems that the doctor could not explain or figure out.  His leg was  not feeling right and his vision was off.  About two months after Bella was born he got an MRI and they found a tumor in his brain stem.  He was told shortly after that he had a year or less to live and had an aggressive form of brain cancer that was in the brain stem.  I was sad, I was angry, I wanted to tell the doctors they had it all wrong.  My dad is my hero, my everything, he is supposed to see my kids all grow up.  No this is not happening.  But what the doctors did not realize is that my dad was a true fighter and came from a line of fighters.  By fighters, I mean people that love life and not willing to just accept that it is their time to go.  He had so much still to do and to live for.

Well they had it all wrong, cause he lived another three years.  Between chemo and radiation,  he still fought to stay alive. He came to visit us at least twice during his sickness, to reach out to people he loved, and to do more musical CD’s.  My dad never gave up during his battle and lived his life to the fullest, with his wife Catherine by his side, taking care of him.  There was a time towards the end when his cancer had gotten worse and I was told by Catherine to come down soon.  We spent some really precious time with him during spring break at a special medical center that was able to give him the care he needed during such an aggressive part of his cancer and after radiation treatments.  I think my husband Chris and I both had a sense that this may be our last visit with him where we could talk to him.  He kept asking us to play his CD. He was so proud of his music and I was proud of him too.  He cuddled with my daughter Raina who he was very close to.  Raina played her ukulele for him and some sang some new songs she had learned.  I talked to him and told him I loved him.  My husband went to pick up some food for us and while he was gone he said he lost it and started crying.  He was hit by the fact that my dad was so sick, close to death and had realized how he had grown close to my father over the years.  He fell apart.  This visit was the last time I got to talk to my dad.

About three months later he was in intensive care and on morphine when I came down.  It was one of the hardest days of my life.  He was no longer talking, was sleeping and breathing hard.  I rubbed his arm and told him I loved him.  It was just a weird coincidence that on his last day a whole bunch of family was in town for cousin Lauren’s wedding.  So a lot of family gathered at he hospital to say their goodbyes.  My mom came down too.  I told her “you better come. ..this may be the last time you see my dad.”

My little one Bella started getting super cranky after we had been there for about three hours, so I decided we better go.  About thirty minutes after I left, my dad died.  I think I was in a state of shock and denial although I knew it was coming.  Over the past year and a half my healing and my sorrow of his death have been super unpredictable.  I could be in line at the grocery store and something would remind me of him and tears would just start flowing.  I find in my quiet moments and when I am alone, I think of him most and miss him.

My relationship with my dad has taught me the incredible value and importance of a daddy daughter relationship.  I will forever encourage that beautiful relationship I see my girls have with their dads.  Daddys are the best and I will always love and miss my dad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How did everyone handle the holidays this year?
For me it was a time to live vicariously through my children, by looking at their
smiling faces, listening to their laughter and feeling their anticipation for Christmas morning. In my family, Christmas was primarily about the children’s magical moments and also having family time. We would leave out a glass of milk for Santa and a cookie of course each Christmas eve. My children do the same now, also adding in a special heartfelt note to Santa. It’s fun to compare my childhood traditions to the ones my husband and I have created with our kids for the holidays. As a kid, we traditionally would hang lights all around the outside of our house early December. We would also cut down a Christmas tree the day after thanksgiving, make sandwiches with all the left overs and enjoy spending time together as a family. I also remember that somehow the warmth of the fire place and staring into the endless flames seemed to mean so much more to me as a kid, when I knew Santa was coming the next day.
It all felt so happy, special and magical and when I see that sparkle in my kid’s eyes, reflecting those feelings, my heart fills up.